i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
