I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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