Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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