your parents love me but you hate me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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