Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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