I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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