just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
