There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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