Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We just shotgunned beers for America
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
