after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
