he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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