I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
