I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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