She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
