good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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