You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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