We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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