Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
