i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
