She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
