You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
