just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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