How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hate all girls vehemently.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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