I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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