i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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