I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize