Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
