It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
