I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
