The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dick very happy bro
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