You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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