your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
