Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
