How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
