Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
