i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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