So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
