i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
