last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
