If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
