I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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