Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
