She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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