I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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