...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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