Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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