If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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