My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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