I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
