whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
