Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
