I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
