I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize