If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize