just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize