How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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