I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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