I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
