I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
