Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
