we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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