she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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