there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
