tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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