oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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