Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
