My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
