every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
