My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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