Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
