I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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