New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
