why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
