Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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