So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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