I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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